To anyone who thinks Trump can bring peace and equality to Iran – I’ve got a bridge to sell you. Going cheap | Marina Hyde

<p>If POTUS can really bomb peace, stability and women’s rights into the Middle East, I’ll take my hat off to him. Judging by his role in Gaza, I won’t hold my breath</p><p>Donald Trump <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/mar/03/trump-starmer-uk-refusal-back-iran-strikes">says Keir Starmer has damaged the special relationship</a> by not helping him more in the US-Israel war on Iran. But you have to remember that when you do help, Trump pretends you didn’t anyway, and also <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/jan/22/trump-nato-afghanistan-troops">pisses on your war dead</a>. Still, what could be more enticing than the Americans trying to sell you a timeshare on a war in the Middle East?</p><p>And so to Iran. “War is the realm of uncertainty,” said Carl von Clausewitz, who – and not to be a bitch – I still think of as a more impressive military theorist than Pete Hegseth. Certainly, Carl had fewer Crusades tattoos than the US defence secretary. Hegseth is 100% certain about all his nailed-down positions, even the ones in apparent conflict with each other. And it feels like a great sign that he, <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/mar/02/rubio-us-attack-israel-iran">Marco Rubio</a> and <a href="https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-15605589/us-israel-iran-trump-war-live-updates.html">JD Vance</a> already seem to have different rationales for why this war was launched. This is an administration that came to power on an <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/mar/01/trump-iran-strike-maga-war-promise">explicit “no more wars” ticket</a> – but look, as Pete keeps saying, this isn’t a regime-change war. If that seems confusing, given he first said it about 10 minutes after US-Israeli strikes had just cratered the ayatollah’s compound, Hegseth has since been on hand to scoff that what